Who could it be? Room service? Tom trying to make amends? Lala trying to hang out? Peter, who finally just arrived because production forced him to take the bus all the way to Cancún? I had a lot of guesses, but none was that it was Raquel. Take a toilet selfie and add the hashtag #ScheanaGotBrocked.Īs Katie is upstairs licking her wounds, there’s a knock on the door. Um, you’re there on a wedding weekend, everything you do is a wedding event. Then Scheana is like, “What about tonight? You brought Kristina Kelly (always both names!)!” Lala says she didn’t know the dinner was a wedding event. How could this have been avoided? Oh, if Lala’s bestie Katie hadn’t bothered to show up. Scheana tells Lala that it looks like she’s choosing Katie over her. (First of all, Lala is wearing a literal Ace Bandage as a top at the dinner and asking if her nipples are still aligned but she called Raquel a hoochie for daring to wear a sarong to a pool party?) Lala doesn’t want to go on the bachelorette-party boat trip because Raquel is going to be there. Meanwhile, at the first dinner of the weekend, Lala has to go running after Scheana to apologize. Well, who is the last lady standing? And, honestly, Tom is right about one thing: Katie deserves every single ounce of cuntiness that Scheana lays on her doorstep. Shall I present as evidence, I don’t know, every single episode of the past ten seasons of this show? Katie and her crew bullied, slandered, and ostracized Scheana from the moment she arrived because they thought she didn’t belong on their show.

But Scheana Marie Shay Brock Davies Carrington Colby? Oh, she has more reason to hate Katie than she has last names. Okay, Raquel, who we’ll get to in a bit, has no business being mean to Katie. When Katie gets up and leaves the dinner, though, is when Tom tells her she was a provocateur in some of those. At least he’s not out to ruin your wedding out of spite. He’s not perfect and stands about as upright as an earthworm doing the limbo, but at least he’s fun. Katie is afraid that everyone will rally around Tom and refuse to film with her, and she will be picking bits of crust out of her hair at her sandwich shop all alone and without a job.Īnd of course they would rather be around Tom. Yes, this is another fight on the show about being on the show. “All of these people surrounding you, being great friends to you, and they’re being awful to me,” the former Bubba blubbers. That’s when we get the real reason she’s so upset, through her tears. Once she and Scheana fell out, there was no single reason to go to this resort other than pettiness and spite. Yeah, because she was objectively wrong to come to this wedding. She says that Tom took Brock’s side, who he only sees three times a year, instead of hers. He even says he’s more likely to defend Katie now, which we all know is a lie, and she brings up, of course, her decision to come on this vacation. Come on! He was as good at being a husband as he was at wearing an actual pair of shoes to this dinner. They start getting into a fight when Tom alleges that he was a good husband. Tom made the booking under Bubba, so Vladimir, the waiter, keeps calling Tom “Monsieur Bubba,” which is what the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company next to the Louvre is called. Katie, looking stunning in a red dress, shows up for dinner, and they are literally the only people in the entire restaurant. Aside from the drama between James and Lala, everything in this entire episode could have been avoided had Katie not decided to crash the Mexican resort wedding of a woman she has been friends with for ten years but hasn’t liked for more than a fraction of a second.Īt the start of the episode, Tom Schwartz arrives at the French restaurant at the cursed Mexican resort where Scheana is getting married in the middle of the week during the summer, and he is wearing only Adidas slides and an ill-fitting suit. But of all the stupid annoying reality television bullshit I have ever seen, I haven’t seen any bullshit that was stupider, annoying-er, or reality television-er than Katie Maloney Schwartz Maloney going to Scheana’s wedding in Mexico where absolutely no one wanted her. I have been writing reality-television recaps for the better part of a decade and, in that time, I have seen some shit: Snooki getting punched in the face, the Boat Ride from Hell, and Bimini somehow losing Drag Race UK.

Katie and tom schwartz wedding date